By Samantha Hesselink
I'll be honest. I'm an independent voter and when I was asked to cover this story I knew that I would be biased in my
reporting, but the editor here at Wiggaz News Network insisted I was the right person for the job.
Barack Hussein Obama has just announced that he will support the creation of the Wigger National Guard, a new branch of the National Guard. "Wiggers have long been left out of participating in our armed forces, of protecting our rights and our freedoms. We have for too long overlooked the benefits the skillz of fly wiggers could bring to patroling our skies and providing air support for the Army and Air Force" stated Obama to the press. "Who knows, maybe if we had wiggers flying the skies when Katrina decided to attack New Orleans, it would never have hit N.O. due to the shear fear wiggers strike into the heart of the enemy. They would have scared Katrina away."
Wiggers strike fear into the heart of the enemy. We could use them.
Asked about the cost of the program, estimated at 10 billion dollars, Obama stated that the funding would come from hope.
"Hope will provide us with the needed resources for this overdue and needed program. Just like hope provided the funding
to bailout banks that were engaging in helping the goverment with its socialist programs."
The Wigger National Guard will consist of 5 Fighter Wings and fall under the command of the Air National Guard. In times of emergency, Wiggers will be required to "get their game on" and to be ready to intimidate, intimidate, and intimidate. Obama mentioned the Death Grimace and how impressed he was by the diversity of hand formations that wiggers are able to create with just 10 fingers. "This is impressive indeed, just think about how much money we will save on getting rid of radios and walkie talkies. Wiggers can carry on conversations just with hand formations. I am trully trully impressed".
The program has been critized by McCain as not being necessary and as just a socialist "Affirmative Action" for wiggers. McCain said in a press statement "You know, this is just a hand out. Wiggers will crash the planes. I remember when I was in Vietnam and 8 out of 10 wiggers would always end up flying into enemy territory without orders, flying 200 feet off the ground, and blasting that God Damn rock-n-roll music. It would just piss off the Charlie, who would then throw their rice hats at our jets... and the hats would get sucked right into the jet engine destroying it and downing the plane. 25% of all our rescues consisted of saving wiggers from Charlie. It's just bad policy"
Asked to comment on McCain's statement Obama said he's heard that kind of talk before. It's just racist retoric. He's racist against wiggers. "You know, wiggers are people too, they are just as good pilots if not better then WASPs. I'm confident that our country will not only be safer with this new Guard but also more diverse. We have to continue to expand egalitarianist idealogy. We are all equal."